GUEST COLUMN: The enduring legacy of my Imperfect father (2024)

My father was an imposing figure. Standing at 6 feet, 3 inches, he towered over most other Vietnamese men. Though he passed away six years ago, I am still shaped by the life he lived.

One day when I was a child, my mother spotted a mouse scurrying across the bedroom floor. She screamed, and all the children came running to see what the commotion was about. We also started screaming and frantically searching for something to catch the mouse. It was complete chaos. Out of nowhere, my father entered the room. He calmly raised his bare foot and stomped on the furry little pest. Problem solved.

There was no task too dirty, too hard, or too squeamish for Dad.

Dad’s toughness came from a difficult life. Raised by a single mother with six children, he grew up amid the ravages of war and poverty in Vietnam. Through hard work, he eventually became a wealthy man. Wealth and power led him to buy everything he desired — several houses, servants, a fleet of luxury cars and even a mistress. He was not an honorable man who lived in a way that was deeply hurtful to his wife and children. And it wasn’t until his fortune vanished that he became the man we would respect.

After the war, my father lost everything, was forced out of the country, and eventually found himself drifting in a fishing boat in the South China Sea. After several days without water, his wife and eight children were dying before his eyes, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Humbled and desperate, he got on his knees and cried out to God for water. And almost immediately, the sky darkened and rain came down. We received enough water to sustain us until the next day when we were rescued.

When my father crossed the ocean and arrived in America, he became a different man. It was as if his old life sunk into that ocean, and he emerged to live in a way that was honoring to his family and his newfound Christian faith.

In America, he had to start from scratch. He spoke no English, had no connections, and possessed no money. So, he used his bare hands to build a new life for us. One day, he held out his thick, weathered hands for me to see. The callouses and scars told the story of decades spent toiling on the assembly line. With quiet pride, he explained that his hands were given as a sacrifice for his children.

Because of his sacrifice, my 10 siblings and I could use our hands to work on computers, to teach, and to care for patients — work that reflects the full potential of the gifts we had been given.

Dad was tough, but he also had a tender side. When my mother was ill in the hospital, he sat at her bedside day and night tending to her. He would massage my mother’s hands and feet, all the while pleading for her life to be saved.

As a child, I would admire Dad’s size, but I was always a little afraid of him. This is because strength in its purest form could be terrifying. I knew he could squash me like a little mouse. Witnessing the character of his heart was what gave me comfort.

Late one night, I walked by our dark living room and saw him kneeling on the floor, praying. He was having a long and intimate conversation with his heavenly Father. This sight reassured me that my father wasn’t only strong. He was also humble and good. His power was submitted to a greater authority.

My father was an imperfect man who had been redeemed. The fact that Dad was not perfect gives me hope. His life is a testament that regardless of our past, there is always the potential for a brighter future. Regardless of what we have done, regardless of how far we have strayed, we can still seek redemption.

In the eyes of children, every father holds tremendous influence. We are not expected to be perfect. We are expected to protect, to provide, and to love. When we leverage our power selflessly for others, our actions will echo across generations.

Even after we pass, our children will still remember and speak about us. This is the profound privilege and responsibility of being a father.

Dr. Vinh Chung is a Mohs surgeon at Vanguard Skin Specialists. He has been happily married for 25 years and is the father of four children. His memoir “Where the Wind Leads” is available on Amazon.